Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The hazards of grocery shopping... part two.

Maybe it's something in the air... the smell of fried chicken, pleather and cheap perfume. Something that makes you wander the aisles of Wal Mart until you have successfully wasted two hours getting absolutely nothing. Or maybe it's the money that's burning a hole in your pocket. Either way you can not just "Go to Walmart" you STAY at Wal Mart. Whether you're stuck in the deli aisle behind a mob of angry lunchmeat terrorists or stuck in line behind the family reunion that went to Wal Mart to buy twelve hundred pounds of unmarked produce you are bound to get stuck there at least twenty minutes longer than you originally planned. Want to grab something quick on your lunch break? Go to Subway. Want a new pair of tennis shoes? Go to Payless. Want a discount price? Go to the dollar store. If you're in a hurry do not attempt to go to Wal Mart. An episode in the parking lot got me stuck there at least 1o unplanned minutes more than I wanted to be there for a few weeks ago... Need to know? Well, since you asked.
This story involves me, my car and a rogue shopping cart. On the one day that I should go to Wal Mart to buy dryer sheets (shame on me!) I got into a car "happencident" with a shopping cart. I was driving into the parking lot on a sunny Monday afternoon - I even drove into the right lane with the arrow pointing in the right direction (don't even get me started on the people who MUST see the arrow and just drive the wrong way anyways) and what do you know, there is a rogue shopping cart that must have either escaped its pen or was left behind by a time-frantic customer.... sitting in the middle of the lane and I could not have gotten by it on either side without seriously demolishing the tail end of a Prius or a Camry.. Also at this point I was in such a tight fit between the cars on either side of me I could not open my car door.. So I think to myself, what should I do? Should I push it with my car? Should I put my hand out the window and try to reach it or should I climb out of the window of the car and move it? While these thoughts are dancing in my mind an elderly lady in a Oldsmobile BOAT got behind me- I mean centimeters from my bumper- and began to honk. Out of the corner of my eye I see the cart boy with a train of carts walking towards the store -not 20 feet from us. I know he sees me and my dilemma and he KEEPS walking. (A+ for customer service!) So I'm sitting there... helpless... Ozzy's "Crazy Train" pounding in my ears. My blood pressure must be rising, I'm thinking to myself. So while I'm debating what to do I see the Oldsboat behind me pushing it into reverse. Praise! Hallelujah! There's my out! So I kick the gear into reverse and look in front of me and to the side... then to the back... what now? A truck is behind me and again I'm in the same predicament. I can't move. I can't get out of the car. So then, when all things seem dire and hopeless and I feel that I'll be stuck in the Walmart parking lot for the rest of my life a little man in a cowboy hat comes walking along with a shopping cart... he's walking towards the car to my left... Prius.. no wait.. maybe it's the next aisle over... oh pleaseeeee let it be the Prius. YES! He sees my situation and abandons his shopping cart in the middle of the road to move the empty shopping cart. So he's walking it back into the store... thank you~ but now... his shopping cart is in the middle of the road. The truck behind me honks and I raise my hands in signal that I can't go anywhere.. and where's the cowboy?
Finally after almost 10 minutes and two songs later I can get my car into a parking spot with enough time to back out and go home.

...After all, the dollar store is on the way.

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